PLANET PEOPLE

I’m boiling potatoes.  The point is, I was asked to put together a
short editorial on the nature of human telepathy in response to mental
attraction / animal magnetism, which could be boiled down into three
parts:  1)  The nature of evolution, 2)  The power of thought, and 3)
Why my bed was one body too big last night. Let me be the first to say
that neither critical nor analytical thought should be considered
within miles of my field.  My field is made of dogs, leaves, and
tennis balls.

I found it fitting to subtitle the piece: An Uneducated Approach,
because that is specifically what this is: an uneducated approach.  I
impart no objective knowledge, no studied numbers, but purely
subjective, intuitive thought.  While I back my case with examples
from my own life, I have no logbook to support any claims.  Any
arguments are as welcome as this editorial, and equally credible.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Also, I neglected to mention that I was grilling a steak, too, and it
was delicious.  I ate them between the first and second paragraphs.

Begin:

We’d had an incredible day together.  A walk through the palmed heat
of Echo Park, then up, through the dismissive side of Sunset Blvd.,
past leather belts and the circus air of hand-rolled churros and
shaved, blue ice… Past shopping carts of fin-shaped cacti and the
clanging door of a well armed pawn shop.  We crossed over to the House
of Spirits then wandered back through that peanut-sweet cocktail of
street food and bus exhaust.  As these things happened, I felt
periodic vibrations in my right hand pocket, and I smiled each time.
We walked and stopped and walked back along to my apartment, straddled
alongside the 101.

I drove her back to her house and we said our goodbyes, each with our
own piece of collateral for the next time we’d meet.  I’ll stop here
and say this: playful collateral is the monkey’s paw of a newly
budding relationship – avoid at all costs.  As I drove home I read
each message from a different girl I’ve known… Each one of them a
far away, far ago girl.  I went home to reflect on the day, my
disposition, and the brainwaves that flurried over southern California
through the palm trees and continental wind.

I’ve experienced this before and have finally started to take
superstitious steps in avoiding a massive rupture in the ethereal net
that carries my information from woman to woman.

To simplify:

Imagine an intangible Internet, if you will.  Well, another intangible
Internet.  This one is accessed by millions of people at every moment
of the day without even realizing it.  When somebody exerts romantic
interest in someone, that person gets pinged.  When that person gets
pinged, a pong goes back out towards everyone else that might be
affiliated with this person.  This will cause them to stop, reflect,
and God willing, ping.  This transcendental table-tennis gets played
out indefinitely, and from a strong enough serve, could strike nearly
everyone that’s ever crossed your path.